Navigating High-Conflict Personalities in Divorce

As a divorce attorney in Nashville, Tennessee, I’ve seen firsthand how difficult the process can become when one spouse exhibits high-conflict behaviors. While every divorce comes with its share of emotional and legal challenges, dealing with a spouse who constantly creates conflict can make things feel exponentially harder.

I’ve worked with many clients who, after years of enduring narcissistic tendencies, controlling behavior, or outright bullying from their spouse, come to me feeling exhausted and unsure of how to move forward. One of the first things I tell them is this: you cannot control the behavior of your spouse, but you can absolutely control how you respond.

Recognizing High-Conflict Personalities:

In my experience, the most common high-conflict personality types that appear in divorce cases include:

• The Narcissist: This person thrives on being the center of attention and often manipulates situations to maintain control and power. Narcissists are skilled at making their spouse feel small or at fault.

• The Blamer: Always pointing fingers, this individual avoids accountability and will frequently try to make you responsible for everything that has gone wrong in the marriage.

• The Bully: Intimidation and control tactics are their go-to strategies. They might use financial threats, legal posturing, or emotional blackmail to force you into decisions that benefit them.

• The Victim: This personality plays the martyr, painting themselves as the innocent party in an attempt to sway opinion or manipulate outcomes.

You might recognize some of these behaviors, or perhaps you’ve experienced a mix of them. It’s important to remember that people aren’t just one type, and many individuals will shift between these personalities during the divorce. The goal isn’t to label your spouse but to understand the patterns so you can take proactive steps.

Divorce is 10% What Happens, and 90% How You React:

One of the biggest challenges for my clients is staying composed when their spouse is pushing all the right buttons to provoke a reaction. This is where I remind them of one of my favorite quotes: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” In divorce, this couldn’t be more true.

When you recognize that a spouse is trying to bait you into conflict, the best response is often no response at all—at least emotionally. This doesn’t mean you don’t fight for what’s important. On the contrary, it means you approach every decision from a place of clarity and strength, rather than being pulled into the emotional whirlwind.

As your lawyer, I’ll be there to ensure that every legal step we take is grounded in strategy, not reaction. Staying calm, clear-headed, and focused on the long game is critical to getting the best possible outcome.

How I Can Help You Navigate High-Conflict Divorce:

Having represented clients in a wide range of divorces, I know that no two cases are the same, especially when dealing with toxic personality types. If you’re navigating a divorce with a high-conflict spouse, you need a legal team that understands both the law and the psychology behind these behaviors. That’s where my experience comes into play.

Together, we’ll focus on:

• Setting firm boundaries: We’ll make sure you aren’t being manipulated into decisions that aren’t in your best interest.

• Managing communication: You don’t have to engage in every argument. We can limit direct communication and rely on formal channels when necessary.

• Staying focused on what matters: It’s easy to get caught up in the emotional battles, but our goal will be to keep your eye on what matters most—whether that’s custody, financial stability, or simply getting a fair settlement.

As your advocate, I’m here to guide you through this process. Divorce is difficult enough without the added layer of a high-conflict personality. Let’s work together to ensure that you come out of this process not just with a fair legal resolution but with your sanity and peace of mind intact.

If you’re facing a divorce and recognize these patterns in your spouse, reach out. Let’s talk about how we can take control of the situation and get you moving toward a brighter future.

Contact:
Michele McGill
Family Law & Civil Litigation
615-389-6453